a million fishes wash over me like rain
swimming in their life, they are
something like souls
of the raindrops in a world far away
i swim through them,
moving my open hands like fists reaching to god
i see myself in more ways than one
i see myself being something new
i see myself...
not missing you anymore
i see myself accepting
that this is all there is now
and it's okay
i can still get more
more things to wash over me like rain
more hope to soothe me, to fuel me,more food to eat
more ways to stop pain
more of myself
i would like that
i look at the fishes i've drawn
through a gaze delirious
and an eye tired and slow
and a heart beating oddly in my chest
i draw myself swimming through
and i sit there for a while
i'm writing this poem to feel like i'm real
and inside it
i'm drawing those fishes to feel like i'm real
and inside that
i'm swimming, reaching, to not care that i am anymore
to live regardless and stop worrying about it